Archives For cat

And Then There Were Four

January 26, 2018 — 16 Comments

I think it was about 7:30 at night when Mr. Tiddles released his last breath. I’m guessing. My sobbing kept me from noticing. I cradled his body against my chest and repeated how sorry I was when his distended stomach collapsed one last time. I felt powerless and inadequate. I didn’t want him to hurt. I didn’t want him to panic. But I had no power over either. That is why I apologized, because I couldn’t do anything but hold him and wait.

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The “Cat Said” Method

December 6, 2016 — 16 Comments

If I recall my first encounter with manipulation, my memory will pull me back to swinging on the Lafayette Elementary School playground during recess. A pendulum of children occupied every seat, but Patricia and Amanda felt entitled to a turn. Among the dozen of peers, the two popular yet spoiled puppeteers of young boys selected me.

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My Cat Tried Blinding Me

October 31, 2016 — 5 Comments

Blind Murphy ruined my Sunday by attempting to gouge out my eyes.

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Shit Scissors: A Poem

October 14, 2016 — 7 Comments

I was bored so I wrote a poem about a handy tool cat owners keep handy.
Shit Scissors: A Poem

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I often worry that too many new cat owners have unrealistic assumptions when it comes to the expectations and responsibilities of sharing your home with one or more cats. Because of their romanticized preconception of cat behavior (and for that I blame cat food commercials that hire supernaturally unfinicky actors, cat litter ads that hire one of the few cats alive that actually cover their disgusting waste, and Sarah McLachlan), these stereotypically lonely yet good intentioned people quickly regret their decision. This can result in lashing out when the cat behaves as nature intended it to, returning the cat like an unwanted gift after Christmas, or re-homing the cat who thought it finally found its forever home.

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Nine years ago, Mr. Tiddles was left behind when his owners moved away. As a matter of fact, the rumor was that when his former owners left, the cat was stranded inside the empty apartment with nothing more than an open bag of cat food. When the new tenant moved in, she kicked him out. With nowhere to go, Mr. Tiddles wasted his days roaming the apartment complex’s parking lot, crouching under parked cars for shade and lapping up the dirty water that collected in the potholes.

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The Cat Burglar

November 9, 2015 — 17 Comments

This is the message that appeared on my iPhone while at the office last Friday.

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The Entitled Heathen

October 7, 2015 — 20 Comments

For the record, Elvis does not own everything.

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Mom vs Mr. Tiddles

May 14, 2015 — 8 Comments

The following is a re-telling of what happened when Mom closed the bedroom door to try on her new sweater.

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This is why your cat is not trying to kill you.

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The Cat Olympics

February 23, 2015 — 19 Comments

Welcome back to the first annual Cat Olympics broadcasting from beautiful Memphis, TN.

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How to Keep Your Cat Out of the Christmas Tree

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Feeding Multiple Cats

April 26, 2011

For the normal person (i.e. someone that doesn’t own more than one cat), feeding time can be a cherished moment of bonding between owner and enslaved animal.

This is why cat food commercials only feature one cat-actor to promote their product, because it hides the true chaos involved when feeding multiple cats.

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