Did you know that the Internet has the potential of advancing the intellect of our civilization through shared knowledge and communication? At least this is what I’ve been told. However, somewhere down the timeline since its creation, we lost sight of this possibility and have instead devoted its purpose to arguing with strangers online while whacking to porn after posting a picture of our lunch in the hopes that some vapid “Internet personality” will notice.
Waste enough time online and you may draw one (if not all) of the following conclusions:
- There are three types of people: those who will do anything for attention, those who are addicted to outrage (whether causing it or experiencing it), and horny moms in my neighborhood who are anxious to meet me. If you must know, I fall into the first category.
- There is a dark-hearted faction of human garbage who make a living designing online ads. Seriously, fuck you and your tiny X in Jesus’ name. They belong in the second category above, but I feel it necessary to call them out specifically because fuck them and their parents who raised them to be like this.
- The business of perception is in higher demand than reality. If you don’t believe me, ask a random stranger if they would rather hear a story about a Kardashian or a Yousafzai.
- Cats are taking over the world.
In case you don’t know me, it’s the latter that concerns me most.
I’ve been the disgruntled cat owner of up to five cats at a time for almost two decades now. At one point in my life that was 224 square feet per cat, and being a compulsive cleaner and steward for order and organization, my sanity barely survived that phase of my life. Thankfully, I have this site, this electronic journal, as my therapy to help me through, to allow me to step away from the frustration and anger and irritation so that I can process it into something I can laugh at later (and that pump is primed when others laugh at it first).
For example, almost three handfuls of years ago, I created some single-panel “comics” that visualized my interpretation of life if cats were to indeed take over and rule the world, and I posted them to this site when it was hosted on another web service. I considered it art therapy. Those who have been with me for a while may remember these, but to those who have recently had their tickets punched on this bullet train of lunacy, allow me the opportunity to catch you up.
If cats ruled the world…