Reminder: There is One Cat Per Litter Box

January 14, 2021 — 11 Comments

Memorandum

Date: January 13, 2021

To: The Cats

From: Vaughn Household Management

Having a disgraceful number of cats, a gag-inducing amount of body waste is discharged daily. Because of this, management has provided one litter box per feline (three upstairs and one downstairs), and these boxes are dredged twice daily. How these toilets are assigned or shared has always been left up to you as management has more important things to do than divvy toilets.

However, it has recently come to management’s attention that one of you is using the litter box while it is already being occupied, shamelessly squeezing in and hunching into position as if alone. This encroachment on the space of another while they are making the devil dinner must cease immediately as toilet activities are considered a private and personal matter. Being present when anything is being expelled from another’s body is vulgar, rude, and perverse. We are not trailer park people. You were raised better than that.

I understand that this corner, downstairs litter box is substantial in size, but that is no excuse for this type of invasion. If your intent is to bond with your sibling, may I suggest the following, more Christ-like alternatives:

  • Share a bowl of food
  • Cuddle in front of the fireplace
  • Bat a toy to each other
  • Talk shit about the other cats behind their backs

If this activity does not cease, do not be surprised if management steps into the litter box and makes their own dinner for the devil. Maybe then you’ll finally realize how it feels. Maybe then you’ll understand that how annoying it is to have your concentration broken while your trying to focus on discharging. I’ll even lock eye contact while doing it. And I warn you, most of the time, mine are bigger.

11 responses to Reminder: There is One Cat Per Litter Box

  1. 

    Oohh… I just LOVE a hilariously snarky memo! I sometimes get very tempted to write one and send it out to All Users regarding the egregiously annoying overuse of “Reply All” BUT, it might end with me out of a job… which may be worth it since I know many of my coworker friends would greatly appreciate this service.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 

    Well, since I only have a limited place for my three kitties, they have to face the sad fact of only two litter boxes. For years already I’m ashamed that’s all I can do… *sigh* Is it very bad?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 

    I would hope yours are bigger. If not, perhaps a call to Carole Baskin is in order.
    I do like the more Christ-like suggestions. Nothing says I’m a Christian like talking shit behind the other cats’ backs.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. 

    I only have one cat an he would rather go outside than share his litter box with himself, even.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 

    I’m crying at my desk I’m laughing so hard.

    I do have one that tries this but she gets smacked by whomever is in the box first so she usually gives up.

    Liked by 1 person

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