Predator Face partook in a little catnip abuse this morning, and his behavior ever since has been embarrassing and intolerable.
I made this post for you to share with your heathens because once they see the effects of catnip from an outsider’s perspective, maybe they’ll just say no (similar to how I said “no” after being scared shitless in the early 80s watching Helen Hunt snort something some guy made in chemistry class before she threw herself through a second story window and sliced her arm with glass shards in a lovely made-for-TV movie called Desperate Lives that the whole family can enjoy).
Now, you aren’t going to see Predator Face go Helen-Hunt-in-Desperate-Lives level of nuts, but maybe nuts enough to teach your heathens that drugs just aren’t hip or cool.
It seems to start with the, “Dude. Where am I?” confusion as displayed on his face in the photo below. Moments after this photo was taken, he laughed and said that my head was the doorknob to the universe. Not sure what that’s supposed to mean, but I don’t waste my time interpreting his drug talk.
Even though Predator Face has a chore list to complete before dinner, I caught him hanging out with his brother, Damien (also a burnout), tripping while watching the Hot Pursuit toy spin around. This is a toy made for frolicking and pouncing. But ‘nip heads just like to watch the tracers it makes.
The lesser-mentioned affects of catnip (street names include ‘nip,’ ‘satan’s seasoning,’ ‘princess bush,’ ‘green tea,’ ‘lime snow,’ ‘oreganip,’ and ‘the strange’) is the urge to commit federal crimes as you can see in the video below where Predator Face is caught in the act of mail theft. I’ll be sure to turn this video over to the proper authorities as ignoring the crime would only enable him.
Shortly after filing my complaint with the FBI, Predator Face began to crash as catnip’s high isn’t long-lasting (and the more you use, the more you need to get high again). As seen in the photo below, he is riding out his hangover while hiding in the cardboard gingerbread house (the sex toys scattered about outside) asking what happened and swearing he’ll never do catnip again.
But we both know he will. We both know.