Why Are They Such Slobs?

February 16, 2020 — 10 Comments

I believe I would get more writing done if the cats weren’t such slobs; of course, having five of them doesn’t help the floors get any cleaner.

Because of Predator Face’s hare lip and deviated septum, he frequently sneezes large wads of snot onto the walls and furniture. I’m not sure if any of you have had to clean up your cat’s phlegm. If you have, then you may have also be wondering why it hasn’t been marketed as an adhesive. We’re talking a military-grade glue.

If you’ve ever wondered what the fabulous and jealousy-inducing life of a cat owner entails, imagine squatting on your hallway floor on a Friday night, carefully picking away at dried cat phlegm with a butter knife while trying not to chip the paint.

Thankfully, a quick Google of “how to remove dried cat snot from wall” provided the useful tip of baking soda & water, a toothbrush, elbow grease, and patience.

Damien and Zoe may not splatter my walls like Jackson Pollack with hay fever, but they have litter issues. After each use, these two toss a lot of litter out of the box. By the afternoon, it looks like they took a joy ride through their box in a dune buggy.

You may assume that an easy solution would be a covered litter box, but you don’t know these cats. I’ve learned from experience that they would cork their own buttholes before pooping in a confined space. Personally, I find it relaxing, but then again, I don’t have to worry about being attacked by my sibling while I am on the toilet.

If I could share one piece of advice for prospective cat adopters, it would be this: Do you have the time and patience to care for a long-haired cat? Sure, they’re pretty, but what you probably don’t see are the fallen clumps of fur tumbling down your hall or find a mess on the area rug and wonder if what you are seeing is poop or a hair ball.

Long-haired cats can be a lot of work, and Elvis and Reese are no exception. I collect so many clumps of fur clinging to the furniture that I once wondered if Elvis was taking chemo. There are so many bundles of hair along the baseboards of our house, you would think I mop the floors with Rogaine.

So I’ve had to learn to let some of that go. In order to write as much as I want, I’ve had to ignore the hair, I’ve had to overlook the occasional wad of snot, and I’ve had to think that a pile of litter of the hardwood floor can wait. It’s challenging, but I’ve discovered that writing allows me the ability to escape these responsibilities. It’s freeing, but I just have to remember to avoid inviting anyone over anytime soon.

10 responses to Why Are They Such Slobs?


    I currently have an elderly cat who goes to the litter box, jumps on the bed, and sprinkles her gray granules around like confetti. I’m glad I wear pajamas to bed – otherwise, I feel I would have to either change the sheets every night, or have a cover sheet that I take off when we sleep…but, of course, she goes under the covers to cuddle, so it’s a no-win situation. At least she’s not vomiting, any more (we changed her food – it was a long saga where I had to make her eat, and now she takes a lot of meds, in addition). Her old food was bright orange, so you can imagine what our carpets look like, now. Blech.

    Liked by 1 person


    Oh gods, I feel you on all of this. My 11-month-old Maine Coon seems to think that she’s practicing for the Olympic litter toss competition some days. And my ragdoll leaves white hair all over. I’m shocked sometimes that she doesn’t have any bald spots. Gotta love these crazy critters.

    Liked by 1 person


    Oh yes… I know the long hair, I know the litter that’s all over the place… I hear you. 😀

    Liked by 1 person


    Your writing brings me such joy! Thank you so very much!


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